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Couple troubles n’ traumas! |
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered on the first ring, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes", whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?". "No, he's busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?", asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman.", came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?". "A hello-copper.", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me!" Contributed by Rameshwaram |
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There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!" Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute." She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!" Contributed by Sanjay Sharma |
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There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly, a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500.00" "Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..." "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60,000..." "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." "What?" "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..." "How much are they asking?" "Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..." "Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" "OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye... I do too..." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?" Contributed by Sanjay Sharma |
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A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $100 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $100, and he thought it might be a joke or a typo. He soon decided it was worth a shot. He went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche. "Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house. "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $100?" "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money." Contributed by Sanjay Sharma |
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A husband is having doubt regarding his wife is deaf or not. He consulted an ENT specialist and asked him to give suggestions so that he can check whether his wife is deaf or not.Doctor said:"Ask a question regarding the present work she is doing from 20mts then from 10mts ,then from 5mts and right next to her and tell me the result" husband went home happily and found that her wife is cooking food . He stood at 20mts from her and asked "Whats for todays supper??????" . He didnt hear any reply ,then from 10mts then from 5mts and then next to her. She said : "This is for the fourth time I am saying chicken." -Contributed by Praveen |
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A long funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band ,it's lead by a man walking a lion.Behind the coffin walk atleast 300 people. A bystander ask the man - "What's going on?" "My lion ate my wife and this is her funeral," is the reply. "Could I borrow your lion?"ask the bystander. "Sorry,but you'll have to get at the end of that line ,"said the man, pointing to the 300 people folllowing the coffin. -Contributed by Aloke Majumder |
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Standing at the edge of a lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?" |
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Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other,"Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, and so on. It was great. I haven't had a problem since." "Sounds like something I could use. What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Hey Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?" -Contributed bu Tripti Parui |
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One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered. "May I speak to your parents?" "They're busy." "Oh. Is anybody else there?" "The police." "Can I speak to them?" "They're busy." "Oh. Is anybody else there?" "The firemen." "Can I speak to them?" "They're busy." "So let me get this straight-your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing?" "Looking for me!" |
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A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations!" |
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A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations!" |
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A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison." Baffled, she said, "yes, I remember. So?" "Well...I would have gotten out today!" |
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